The Agony of Departing Loved Ones

It was all started in MJ’s YM status stating that she is not feeling well and just leave a message if it is important. The usual worry creeps on my spine. MJ is still recovering from a disease and we don’t want any sickness hit her again. I sent her a message asking how she is feeling and she immediately say she has colds.

And then she started talking about her nanay. At first I thought she was about to tell jokes again, because her mom is mama and not nanay to her. Later I found out that it was her nannny. She said that her nanay has about 5 days to live. Shocked by the truth that she knows exactly the day, then she said it’s because of the morphine she injected with her. She went to euthanasia (commonly known as mercy killing). The procedure that MJ hated most. It was only a week ago when her nanny was being hit by a viral infection that severely damage her lungs. She is drowning with the fluid that her lungs produce. MJ and her father were outnumbered by the doctors who wanted to give the poor lady the poison that can kill her immediately. She was furious, and why not, she just want 24 hours for her nanny so they can talk to each other for the last time. But to no avail, the doctors still initiated the murderous procedure.

She was devastated, I know how she love her nanny far more than her own mom. She is the only person MJ feel that she is being loved and the one she is getting her strength too. MJ though came from a prominent family and the only child, prefer to live alone and have her own life. Her nanny sacrifice a lot for her too. She decided to stay with her than her own children that almost disowned her because of her loyalty and love to MJ. I don’t know what amount of encouraging words can ease her pain. I know that the best thing to do is acceptance and letting go, but we know that not all the best is what makes us happy. She is so helpless and frustrated because she can’t do anything with the situation. She is in the denial stage, a part of healing process. And it is not going to end in just a matter of day, every passing day is a torture and it ripped my heart too.

Rush of emotions engulfed me, my tears are continuously flowing while we are chatting. I feel her pain deeply. I can’t see the screen anymore, I just type and say what I mean.  MJ is still a child in a 27-year-old fine gorgeous lady. She is so smart and yet so innocent. I call her “sosyalerang promdi” because of the truth that she brought up by her nanny in a value of semi old fashion style. The value that until now, even when she is living in a first world country Canada, has a good moral etiquette. I feel helpless too that we are not there  to comfort her. We just try for her to feel that despite of the distance, we are always be there for her.

Last night she finally said the ultimate bad news, her nanny just passed away. The poor lady can’t take the dose of morphine that injected to her. She didn’t last for another days. within 24 hours of initiation she finally gave in. MJ gathered all her strength to give her nanny the last respect she deserve.

We are always here for you bunso. I know there are times you want to give in, but your real strength never let you down.  You still have us as your family. We will be seeing each other too, sooner.

Please pray for the soul of her beloved nanay. She departed when the old year is departing too.

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